Now, I won’t say I’m a die-hard Gwar fan, but I’ve certainly seen them live a few times over the years. Their tongue-in-cheek, politically-incorrect lyrics are matched only by their over-the-top stage show, featuring plenty of blood, guts, and sacrificial slaughtering of popular political figures. But of course, you probably knew that already… unless your name’s Heino Døssing.
Writing for catch-all, pay-per-click website examiner.com, Døssing appears to be more a fan of DevilDriver and the Cancer Bats, but while his writeup on the opening acts drew little reaction (zero comments to date), his one-star review of Gwar’s set at the Sound Academy seems to have set off quite a few folks. For one thing, he doesn’t offer any insight into the band’s setlist or comment on the sound quality at the Sound Academy; rather he seems fixated on the fact that Oderus Urungus called Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie and Hell Yeah “fucking fags,” an epithet so insulting that it sent him running to the exits after just one more song.
Hey don’t get me wrong, homophobia’s not cool, but if you’re going to get offended by the suggestion that Manson and Zombie enjoy hot, steamy buttsex together, with Vinnie Paul and company looking on–well, you probably should’ve left the venue with notebook in tow before Gwar even took the stage. But while that alone would’ve led to a few mocking comments, no doubt, the reviewer’s suggestion that the entire “Toronto metal crowd” was of the same opinion, based on the fact that no one cheered Oderus’ monologue, and there was a “small lineup at the coatcheck” as he headed out the door, well, that’s a surefire way to draw an adverse reaction, to put it mildly. Amidst a 50-deep comment stream questioning the reviewer’s taste in music, sexuality and writing ability–not to mention some annoying hype-men from another site who won’t shut up about how their review is so much better–a few gems emerge, like this one:
“I share your outrage, Heino. The song that skit introduced was about a homosexual child murderer (Have You Seen Me?). Another song of the night was Rock’n’roll Never Felt So Good, about having sex with a ‘quadriple-chick’ who was ‘minutes past 13′. The character of Oderus has, from stage, propositioned both women and men for sex. And those costumes! Who do they think they are – a combination of Bugs Bunny and Lucifer?
You, young fellow, are unqualified to write about a Gwar show. People like you have been burning books and shutting down theatre for centuries because you don’t understand satire and irony and you don’t know anything about your subject matter. You don’t know anything about Dave Brockie’s and Mike Derks’ contribution to theatre and music and you didn’t understand what you were watching. Learn something, listen to the albums, read up on the band and come back next year. You’re going to have a good time, I promise. If not, stick with Kid Rock, Megadeth and Exodus – that’s more your style right now.”
Anyways, the entire thing makes for some entertaining rainy-day reading. The comments, I mean, not the review. Mind you, methinks a certain Scandinavian’s going to be sacrificed at the next Gwar gig…